The Baby-led Sleep Certification has not only taught me so much about infant sleep, it has also helped me to look inward and really do some work internally. On my journey to become a more conscious parent and person in general I have started acknowledging my triggers and working on them. When I feel upset or frustrated, I pause in the moment and ask myself what is really bothering me. Upon starting this practice, I learned that one of my biggest triggers is not being accepted by people and wanting to be the best.
As I have really done some soul searching and internal work, I realized that as a child I was always rewarded for doing "good" things. I was given money after receiving straight A's, I was taken shopping after doing good in a swim meet, I was praised if I did something that my parent's thought was good. Am I blaming them, or shaming them? Absolutely NOT. They did the best they could and they were probably doing exactly what their parents did for them. But it was important for me to recognize this. To realize that I grew up believing that my worth was found in my achievements and making my parents happy, not in simply being me.
Once I became a wife & mom, I put my energy into finding my worth as a mother and wife. I felt I was only worthy if I was making my husband happy and giving my ALL to my daughter. So much so that I completely lost myself. I stopped doing things for me. I was afraid to leave my daughter with my husband so that I could do something for me in fear that I was a bad wife, or bad mother. I was drowning but afraid to ask for help because I didn't want to look like a bad mom. Once I realized that I felt I only had worth in my achievements and relationships, I felt FREE. It was an invitation to show myself that I am worthy simply for being me. And that in order to show up as the best mom and wife I could be, I actually needed to have my own identity. I needed to take time for myself. I needed to love myself. I needed to know that I am worthy and I deserve to love myself as deeply as I love my husband and daughter.
So while being a mom and a wife are life defining roles, they don't define my worth. I am worthy for being exactly who I am, not for what I do. In realizing this, I was able to start making myself a priority. To make time for myself. To have grace with myself. In doing so, I am able to show up even more in my role as a mother and wife because I am not burnt out from ignoring my needs.
So Mama, if you feel the same I invite you to love yourself and see that you have worth, simply for being YOU.